The Life of a Hmong Wife

  It's not easy being a Hmong in general but being a Hmong wife is even harder.



The expectations are unrealistic because now that a big majority of Hmong live in the United States, many of us Hmong women are becoming more independent and we are working women. It is hard to juggle in the Hmong culture along with the American culture because I am American and I am used to living the “American” life. I don’t understand certain parts of my culture because to me, men are held on a pedestal and women are the house workers. Culturally, I am supposed to cook, clean, and be a good housewife. I cannot imagine living that life where I am homebound all the time. I’m glad that my husband is westernized and does not have the same expectation as other Hmong men. He treats me well and does everything that I do around the house.


It is already hard juggling between a job and school but the expectations from others in the community makes it even harder. Whenever there is a gathering and my husband shows up alone, people will always question why I am not there. Of course he knows that I am working, but they don’t know that and they assume that I just don’t want to be there. Whenever there is an event, you are expected to be there to help out with the cooking and cleaning or it is a sign of disrespect. Men are usually the ones who are chatting and the women are the ones who are cooking for get-togethers


No matter how old or young you are, people in the community expect you to have a child for your husband (regardless if you can have one or not). When they judge you, they are harsh. It is usually automatically assumed that the woman is the one who can’t have the child, even when it is the man who has the problem. It is also very important for the wife to have a son for her husband to carry on the family name. Even when the family is already big, most Hmong family will “try” until they can conceive a boy. I have a friend who has nine sisters and one brother. Her brother was baby number five. I just love it when people say, “Why don’t you just have a boy?” They say it as if you can choose what you are having. Polygamy was highly practiced in my culture when a wife could not have a son for her husband. Now, in the Hmong society, it is not as common as it once was. Many Hmong families are adopting children now.


Being Hmong wife, you are expected to wake up by sun-rise and cook for your family. Now, living in America, it is becoming harder to do this because of the lifestyle that we have adopted. We are always on the go and not everyone has the same schedule. I’m sorry for not being the perfect Hmong wife.

The Weekly News

I had the worst week ever but I tried my best to make the best of it. When life seems to get better, things happen to try and ruin it. Grandma (my husband’s grandma) has been sick for the past few weeks. David and I visited grandma a couple times because she didn’t feel comfortable at the hospital by herself. I felt bad because I couldn’t stay with her most of the time due to school and work. We still don’t really know what is wrong with her. At first, we thought that she had a mini stroke but that wasn’t it. The doctors didn’t know what she had but she did feel numbness to parts of her leg. Even though grandma isn’t a believer, I’m still praying for her to get better.

Last week, I also received a message from my sister, on Facebook saying “CALL ME SOON!” I don’t know why she didn’t just call me or text me. I found out horrible news about my brother and sister-in-law. I’m not going to go in details but it saddened me. Too bad you can’t choose your family like how you can choose a friend.

My coworker’s dad passed away and so I picked up her shift for Saturday. It is truly something that is so sad because I can’t ever imagine losing my parents. My friend’s husband was diagnosed with a rare diabetic disease. It is so rare that only 116 people in the United States have it. The disease attacks certain parts of the body, enabling a person from using that part of their body. My friend is thankful that it didn’t attack her husband’s heart. At first, the pain started from his neck and then it traveled down to his legs. The good thing is that the disease can reverse itself but the bad thing is that right now, there is no sign the disease stopping in him. I feel so bad for her because when she found out about her husband’s health, she was in a different city, training for a job. I’m sure it was hard for her to know about it and still have to work and be away from her husband for an entire week. 

On to the good part of my week, I was informed by one of my instructors that she nominated me for Student Ambassador. It’s nice to know that someone sees all of my hard work that I put into school. Now if someone would just pay for my school tuition, I would be the happiest person ever! I do however enjoy being in school again. I like having a busy life so that I’ll never be bored.

I have also decided that I will start working out again. I’m actually at my best in many years but I’m sure that I can be even healthier. I’ll try to fit in working out because it is a good source of stress relief. It is a good thing that I have free access to a treadmill and workout equipment due to my job.