The Life of a Hmong Wife

  It's not easy being a Hmong in general but being a Hmong wife is even harder.



The expectations are unrealistic because now that a big majority of Hmong live in the United States, many of us Hmong women are becoming more independent and we are working women. It is hard to juggle in the Hmong culture along with the American culture because I am American and I am used to living the “American” life. I don’t understand certain parts of my culture because to me, men are held on a pedestal and women are the house workers. Culturally, I am supposed to cook, clean, and be a good housewife. I cannot imagine living that life where I am homebound all the time. I’m glad that my husband is westernized and does not have the same expectation as other Hmong men. He treats me well and does everything that I do around the house.


It is already hard juggling between a job and school but the expectations from others in the community makes it even harder. Whenever there is a gathering and my husband shows up alone, people will always question why I am not there. Of course he knows that I am working, but they don’t know that and they assume that I just don’t want to be there. Whenever there is an event, you are expected to be there to help out with the cooking and cleaning or it is a sign of disrespect. Men are usually the ones who are chatting and the women are the ones who are cooking for get-togethers


No matter how old or young you are, people in the community expect you to have a child for your husband (regardless if you can have one or not). When they judge you, they are harsh. It is usually automatically assumed that the woman is the one who can’t have the child, even when it is the man who has the problem. It is also very important for the wife to have a son for her husband to carry on the family name. Even when the family is already big, most Hmong family will “try” until they can conceive a boy. I have a friend who has nine sisters and one brother. Her brother was baby number five. I just love it when people say, “Why don’t you just have a boy?” They say it as if you can choose what you are having. Polygamy was highly practiced in my culture when a wife could not have a son for her husband. Now, in the Hmong society, it is not as common as it once was. Many Hmong families are adopting children now.


Being Hmong wife, you are expected to wake up by sun-rise and cook for your family. Now, living in America, it is becoming harder to do this because of the lifestyle that we have adopted. We are always on the go and not everyone has the same schedule. I’m sorry for not being the perfect Hmong wife.

The Weekly News

I had the worst week ever but I tried my best to make the best of it. When life seems to get better, things happen to try and ruin it. Grandma (my husband’s grandma) has been sick for the past few weeks. David and I visited grandma a couple times because she didn’t feel comfortable at the hospital by herself. I felt bad because I couldn’t stay with her most of the time due to school and work. We still don’t really know what is wrong with her. At first, we thought that she had a mini stroke but that wasn’t it. The doctors didn’t know what she had but she did feel numbness to parts of her leg. Even though grandma isn’t a believer, I’m still praying for her to get better.

Last week, I also received a message from my sister, on Facebook saying “CALL ME SOON!” I don’t know why she didn’t just call me or text me. I found out horrible news about my brother and sister-in-law. I’m not going to go in details but it saddened me. Too bad you can’t choose your family like how you can choose a friend.

My coworker’s dad passed away and so I picked up her shift for Saturday. It is truly something that is so sad because I can’t ever imagine losing my parents. My friend’s husband was diagnosed with a rare diabetic disease. It is so rare that only 116 people in the United States have it. The disease attacks certain parts of the body, enabling a person from using that part of their body. My friend is thankful that it didn’t attack her husband’s heart. At first, the pain started from his neck and then it traveled down to his legs. The good thing is that the disease can reverse itself but the bad thing is that right now, there is no sign the disease stopping in him. I feel so bad for her because when she found out about her husband’s health, she was in a different city, training for a job. I’m sure it was hard for her to know about it and still have to work and be away from her husband for an entire week. 

On to the good part of my week, I was informed by one of my instructors that she nominated me for Student Ambassador. It’s nice to know that someone sees all of my hard work that I put into school. Now if someone would just pay for my school tuition, I would be the happiest person ever! I do however enjoy being in school again. I like having a busy life so that I’ll never be bored.

I have also decided that I will start working out again. I’m actually at my best in many years but I’m sure that I can be even healthier. I’ll try to fit in working out because it is a good source of stress relief. It is a good thing that I have free access to a treadmill and workout equipment due to my job.

Thanksgiving Weekend

My Thanksgiving weekend was very peaceful and wasn’t filled with your typical family chaos. It was just my husband and I since his family spent their Thanksgiving with their “in-laws”. We didn’t do that because my mom and dad lives in Kansas and David’s mom and dad lives in Florida. It would have been nice to travel for Thanksgiving but David had to work for Black Friday at his other job. He had to work at midnight, so we had to make our dinner earlier than what we had originally planned because he had to get some sleep before waking up at eleven at night.

I started preparing our dinner during brunch. Instead of cooking your traditional turkey, I baked a whole chicken for about two hours. It was beautifully made and was so delicious. The chicken looked like a nice rotisserie chicken that you can buy from the store. I used half of a stick of butter, rotisserie seasonings and fresh basil. My chicken was so moist and delicious. I truly believe that butter makes everything taste better and of course, I only use organic butter.  

Here is a picture of my chicken. It looks like a mini turkey!

We didn’t make too much food since it was just David and I. We made two kinds of gravy, stuffing, a green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, and sweet potatoes. They were all so delicious and it makes me wish that I had more leftovers. It’s too bad that David ate all of our leftovers. My husband sure does like to eat a lot.

I’m glad that I didn’t have to work on Thanksgiving Day this year because I didn’t get to spend Thanksgiving with my husband last year. 

Black Friday marks the day that my husband proposed to me two years ago. It was a simple proposal and I got to choose my engagement ring. The good thing was that we got it for a good deal (half off) since it was Black Friday. We celebrated by going to Burrachos, a Mexican restaurant that is similar to Chipotle. I got to order my favorite burrito and chips. My husband ordered the same thing but with shredded beef instead of pulled-pork.

During my break, my husband also took pictures of his nieces (his cousin’s daughters) because he wanted to expand his portfolio. He is planning to do a couple of free photo shoots for some of our friends. Hopefully, that will help us get his photography business going again because this season has been very slow for his business. We’re hoping that this kind of networking will help him. I just recently asked my friend if she wanted us to do a photo shoot for her family. She is married to a former weatherman and has good connections. I can’t wait until my husband does another engagement or wedding photo shoot. It’s always nice to assist my husband when you see couples so happy. In a way, it motivates us to be nicer to each other.

Breaking Dawn, Part 1 (Spoiler Alert)

Breaking Dawn, Part One was such a good movie! I highly recommend it! It was quite different from the book but in a good way. In the book, it switches point of views in every chapter, from Bella, to Edward, to Jacob, and so on.

In the movie, it starts off with Jacob receiving the invitation. He ran away from his house because he was so upset about the whole engagement between Bella and Edward. The whole idea of a vampire and a human getting married is just disgusting to him.

Bella was so nervous for her wedding and especially with Kristen Stewart’s facial expression; she almost looks like she is in pain. It was such a beautiful wedding. It looked somewhat like a scene out of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. The music for all of the scenes was appropriate and seemed light-hearted compare to the very first “Twilight” movie. You can definitely tell that there was a different director for this movie because of the style of the movie. It was well done! The movie was not what I was expecting but that is not a bad thing. The first Twilight movie seemed gloomy compared to Breaking Dawn, Part One. All of the background music made the movie seem less gloomy and the only reason why I am saying this is because the first movie had a lot of gloomy music. Of course, that is only my opinion. I felt that the first movie revolved around the Paramore’s song, which I did not care too much about it. The new theme song for this movie is A Thousand Years by Christina Perri. It is such a beautiful song! I think it matches the movie so well because Edward waited for so long to find his Bella. It is so romantic.

Time to get back on track! Edward and Bella got married and went on their honeymoon. Their honeymoon was cut short because she got pregnant. They didn’t know that it was possible because they have never heard of it before. The fetus was too strong for Bella and was taking all of the nutrients from her body, leaving her with little energy to do anything. In the movie, she was very sick and was extremely thin. The fetus actually crushed some of her bones. Since it was a vampire pregnancy, the pregnancy was a speedy one. Within a month’s time, she had her baby. Bella’s sac was too thick, so needles and knives could not penetrate it. Edward had to bite through the sac. So yes, he had to bite through Bella to get the baby out. It was a very gory scene but at the same time, it was a sweet scene until Bella “died”. It was very sad and almost made me cry. Edward injected some of his venom into Bella to attempt to change her into a vampire instead of losing her forever. Jacob was an emotional wreck and actually planned to kill Edward and Bella’s daughter Renesme. Jacob couldn’t kill her because he imprinted on her. The book does a good job of explaining what imprinting is. The movie ended with Bella on coffin-like bed. Just as it was about to end, her eyes opened and they were red as fire. I just can’t believe that I have to wait another year in order to watch the second part! I can’t wait.

Twi-Hard

I am a Twi-hard, also known as hardcore twilight fan. Tonight, I am going to the midnight release of Breaking Dawn, part one. I will be comparing the movie and the book. I'll let you know how the movie is compared to the book tomorrow.

The Culture

If you didn't know by now, you should know that I am Hmong. We are from Southeast Asia are commonly known as Eurasian also. The Hmong culture is so fascinating because we were originally not from Asia. The Hmong people migrated from somewhere in Europe to China and were eventually taken control of by the Chinese. That is the reason why we look Asian and not European anymore. It was easy to spot us because of our blonde hair, blue eyes, and our height. Yes, if I were still a full-blood Hmong, then I wouldn’t be as short as I am today. It must be from my Chinese ancestors.

I wonder how life would be if I did not look Asian. Would it be harder or would it be easier? I guess it all depends on where I live. 

The Hmongs adapted to Chinese customs after they were conquered by the Chinese. This is the reason why we have similar words and names. Of course, some Hmong people are still holding a grudge against the Chinese but I have forgiven all. 

In this photo, I am wearing my traditional dress. This was the day of my wedding.

In the Hmong culture, when a woman marries a man, she has to wear her traditional dress to the Hmong ceremony. She is also accompanied by a “green lady”, which is also known as a bride’s maid. The reason behind having a bride’s maid with the bride at all time is because the groom’s family does not want the bride “running” away from her wedding. Back in Laos or Thailand, women were captured to be wives whether they knew the man or not. (Thank goodness, I live in America, where there are polices!) Of course I knew my husband before we married. My husband courted me for over a year before we got married. We did not necessarily date but enjoyed each other’s company whenever we saw each other. He lived here in Wausau and I lived in Kansas City at the time that we decided to live together. In my culture, when a man and woman live together, it means that they intend on getting married. We were engaged for eight months before we got married in Kansas. We got married in Kansas because that is where my parents live. To not cause any offense to my family, we had to get married in Kansas. Of course with every Hmong bride, there is a dowry to pay. My dowry was $6,600 and my husband’s family had to pay the dowry to my parents. I still find the custom strange but can understand why it is done that way. It is not that my parents were “selling” me but it is more like promise money. The man has to take good care of his bride because she came at a price. During the Hmong ceremony, the groom’s family has to promise to take good care of the bride and treat her with respect. If the bride’s family is smart, they will say that there are no returns, meaning that even if the marriage doesn’t work out, the money will not be refunded. 

Marriage is already complicated enough, but I do have to say, the Hmong way is even more complicated.  

Steve Jobs and the wonderful Apple Products

I am a big Steve Jobs fan and I am currently reading his biography by Walter Isaacson.  Even though I am just beginning the book, I am already enjoying it! I never thought I would ever say this but I do enjoy reading (books).

How would life be if Steve Jobs never existed? I believe that we would not have such complex technology.  Whether you admit it or not, it has become a huge part of our lives. Steve Jobs was the Einstein of our era and has left a big impact on technology. He created the king of smart phones, the iPhone. His ideas about technology were different than other companies. Rather than creating 10,000 products at one time, he chose to do one at a time for his company. If you were to just throw ten awesome products in the market at one time, under your company name, you are pretty much going against yourself and you are not going to profit as much. His concept was brilliant! No wonder Apple sold 9.5 million iPads in one quarter! That is just unbelievable but it has been done! Today, Apple is one of the most profitable companies in the world! As you can tell, I am an Apple/Mac junkie.

This past weekend, my husband bought me an iPhone 4S. It is the coolest smart phone ever. I am quite anti-android because “Once you go Mac, you never go back.” (Although, I am being a hypocrite now because I am using an ASUS laptop to type up this blog post.) The iPhone 4S has Siri, who is my very own “assistant” on my phone. You can ask her anything and she will try to answer your questions. It is the coolest thing on my phone! I can just press a button and start asking her questions. Siri can tell you where the closest Wal-Mart is at and who the president of South Korea is. By the way, the South Korean president is Lee Myung Bak. I did not know that until Siri told me! Siri can tell you the weather forecast and looking things up for you if you don’t have time to type. Thank you Steve Jobs and the wonderful team at Apple!

I also enjoy my iPad 2 very much but it is time to sell it! I don’t really want to but I need to because I don’t really have a need for it anymore since I bought a laptop and have my cellphone now. My cellphone does almost everything that my iPhone does. I used to use my iPad to check my blog, emails, and social networking sites but I have started to use my iPhone more. My husband did post my iPad on craig’s list and now we are just waiting for a response from someone. I have thought about selling it on Ebay but I don’t want to go through the process of having them take a percentage of what I earned. I like to make things quick and easy. I know that it will be hard to part ways, but I will eventually have to do it.